Funny Technicians Jokes
Jokes about Technicians
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The technician answers immediately: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
"And why it is so hot today?" the kid continues to ask.
"If it's bothering you, turn it off and then turn on again".
During the French Revolution a priest, a lawyer and a technician were lined up at the guillotine to be beheaded. They were given the choice to look up or to look facing down in the guillotine.
The priest said, "Well Heaven is up, so I'll look up, so I can see where I'm going." They placed the Priest in the guillotine facing up and released the blade. The blade stopped just inches from the priest, so they let him go, thinking it was a miracle.
The lawyer thought, "Well if it worked for the priest, it might work for me," so they placed him in the guillotine looking up. They released the blade, and it stopped just inches from the lawyer, who claimed he can't be executed twice for the same crime, so they let him go.
The technician thought, "Well why not?" So they put him in the guillotine
looking up, and the technician said, "Wait a minute! If you swap the red and
the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."
All objects in the world can be placed into one of two categories:
- things that need to be fixed,
- things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at
the weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over
the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.
The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target
area: "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians...they always understand when
you have a few parts left over at the end..."
The girl walked into the dark, dark house through the dark, dark hall and down the dark, dark stairs to the dark, dark cellar where there was a dark, dark passageway at the end of which was a dark, dark room. Inside was a dark, dark cupboard and inside that was an electrician mending the fuse!
A salesman, and engineer, and a technician are driving in a car when, just outside of town, they get a flat tire. The three of them get out of the car and scratch their heads.
The salesman says, "Maybe I should walk into town and get us a new tire. I know that I can bargain with the man at the parts store and get us a great deal."
The engineer stops him, saying, "No, before you do that, we'll have to do some computations, figuring the grade of the road, the asphalt temperature, and the average rate of speed we will be traveling to know what kind of tire you should buy."
The technician laughs and shakes his head. "No, no, no! What's wrong with
you guys? Hell, we have a spare tire in the trunk - now all we have to do
is start swapping tires until we find the flat one!"
You Might Be a Technician if...
you think of the gadgets in your office as "friends."
you think your computer looks better without the cover.
you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is."
you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
you think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
the microphone at a meeting doesn't work and you rush up to fix it.
you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.
you own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers and you actually know where they are.
you just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday.
you have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.
How many service technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, and he does it very well, but there is that $85 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider.